Monday, December 26, 2005

silly lyrics?

I've heard this song (see some of lyrics below) hundreds of times and I've sung along with Kelly not even knowing what I was singing until today when, for some reason, I actually listened to what I was singing. It was almost comical at how I was singing about my self, my self-protective way, my fears. Who the "you" is in the song is pretty much irrelevant, but what is relevant is my (our) incredible tendency to put up walls in order to control, secure and protect our hearts from pain. The irony that I'm cleary seeing is that in this desire (or rather, need) to control things, I am actually being controlled by the need to control/protect/secure. Oh, how I see the gospel, the freedom that Jesus offers me, as more and more relevant to my life...the more I see my own issues (bieng captive to my own lack of trust, for example) the more I see my desperate need and desire for the security that Jesus offers me: the security that, if I take hold of it, frees me up to trust, risk, love and be loved. It's often hard to believe that I can change, rather that God is changing me, but I must hold on to the hope that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion..." and that even if I don't experience that completion in this life, I will experience it forever with Jesus.


I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Kelly Clarkson
"Because Of You"

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Go Falcons!!!


Who said American fans didn't know how to get rowdy for their team? I was pretty impressed!!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

beluga whales and other fish tales

Yes, I did take this picture (and several others that I'd be glad to send you) and no I wasn't in the bottom of the sea. BUT, I sure felt like I was.

If I had the ability to communicate in words the wonder of what I experienced at the new Georgia Aquarium (the world's largest!) I would write an incredible book. But, I'm not sure anyone can put such majesty into words.

I can only tell you that as I sat feet from these creatures I was in utter amazement. I was in awe. They are awesome beings and I couldn't help but think of God creating these odd fish. I saw creatures I never imagined existed and I touched ones I never thought I'd even see. My mind kept thinking on how God created these for His pleasure. God must just sit back and delight in His creation. It is amazing after all.

And just now as I'm typing this I remember that God said in Genesis that all His creation was "good", but when He made man it was "very good." Wow. God sees us (and we know how screwed up we are) and takes delight in us - His most prized and precious creation. Wow.

Okay, I'm amazed once again. Need to ponder that one more like I pondered those whale sharks and beluga whales...in awe of them and of their Maker.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

"I want to be happy and free"

(em breve em português!)

That’s what a friend of mine said the other day about what he wants from life. When he asked me what it is I want out of life I said something about loving others. And, it’s true, I do want to love others. But, I kept thinking about his answer…”to be happy and to be free.” I found that response interesting, deep and true. I asked this friend of mine what “to be free” meant to him and he said, “free from addictions, routines and obligations.” I think this is probably a common definition, but, I told him, I don’t think a life without any of those things is possible. But, I was thinking how we really are prisoners and how I too want to be free. And for me, freedom means free from selfishness, anger, bitterness, uselessness…from myself basically. It would be so good to be from my little Heather-world and be free to really love others.
A few days after that conversation, I was finishing the book Blue Like Jazz (see below) and the author said something that caught my attention. He closes the book with this,

"The first generation out of slavery invented jazz music. It is the music birthed out of freedom. And that is the closest thing I know to Christian Spirituality. A music birthed out of freedom. Everybody sings their song as they feel it; everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands." He continues, "I want Jesus to happen to you the way he happened to me. I want you to know Jesus too. This book is about the songs my friends and I are singing. This is what God is doing in our lives. But what song will you sing when your soul gets set free? I think it will be something true and beautiful. If you haven't done it in a while, pray and talk to Jesus. Ask Him to become real to you...to forgive you of your self-addiction, to put a song in your heart. I can't think of anything better that could happen to you than this. Much love and thanks for listening to us sing."

This captured my heart because I saw that that’s what I would say to my friend about what I want. I want to be free, too, my friend. With Jesus’ freedom that creates a unique, live and transforming song! Oh, that our lives may sing like that!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

I think David was a blogger

"Flipping" through the millions of blogs out there (using that little icon in the upper right hand corner of the screen, 'next blog'), I came across worlds. Literally, hundreds of entrances into the personal worlds of hundreds of people in dozens of coutries with hundreds of life stories. And the thing that silently screams from all the pages is "know me. please someone know me and find me interesting. connect with who i am."

It's fascinating really how we long to be known and loved. Oh, sure, we avoid it and run from. We're terrified of it really - that someone would really know us. Or worse, that someone would know us and then reject us. But, in the end, that's what we want - a deep connection with another human.

I feel it. It's real, this deep desire. And I've found a reality that's both comforting and disappointing...noone can ever really know me. Not the depths of who I am and how I work and what is going on in my heart and mind and soul. I mean, heck, I can't even get down to the depths of it all.

But the desire is there and that desire both moves toward others in hope and carries me away from them in fear.

And then I remember the One who made me and knows me and longs to connect with me...I moved toward Him in hope and my heart feels connected and known and loved. Ah, that's nice. I can unplug my computer now and rest, knowing that Someone out there gets me.

Salmos 139 (Ps 139)
Senhor, tu me sondas, e me conheces.

Tu conheces o meu sentar e o meu levantar; de longe entendes o meu pensamento.
Esquadrinhas o meu andar, e o meu deitar, e conheces todos os meus caminhos.
Sem que haja uma palavra na minha língua, eis que, ó Senhor, tudo conheces.
Tu me cercaste em volta, e puseste sobre mim a tua mão.
Tal conhecimento é maravilhoso demais para mim; elevado é, não o posso atingir.
Para onde me irei do teu Espírito, ou para onde fugirei da tua presença?
Se subir ao céu, tu aí estás; se fizer no Seol a minha cama, eis que tu ali estás também.
Se tomar as asas da alva, se habitar nas extremidades do mar,
ainda ali a tua mão me guiará e a tua destra me susterá.
Se eu disser: Ocultem-me as trevas; torne-se em noite a luz que me circunda;
nem ainda as trevas são escuras para ti, mas a noite resplandece como o dia; as trevas e a luz são para ti a mesma coisa.
Pois tu formaste os meus rins; entreteceste-me no ventre de minha mãe.
Eu te louvarei, porque de um modo tão admirável e maravilhoso fui formado; maravilhosas são as tuas obras, e a minha alma o sabe muito bem.
Os meus ossos não te foram encobertos, quando no oculto fui formado, e esmeradamente tecido nas profundezas da terra.
Os teus olhos viram a minha substância ainda informe, e no teu livro foram escritos os dias, sim, todos os dias que foram ordenados para mim, quando ainda não havia nem um deles.
E quão preciosos me são, ó Deus, os teus pensamentos! Quão grande é a soma deles!
Se eu os contasse, seriam mais numerosos do que a areia; quando acordo ainda estou contigo.
Sonda-me, ó Deus, e conhece o meu coração; prova-me, e conhece os meus pensamentos;
vê se há em mim algum caminho perverso, e guia-me pelo caminho eterno.