Life Story

Apparently, it's been over six years since I posted to this blog. I blame Facebook for killing any ounce of "journaling" juice I use to contain.

Life Story: That's what is on my mind. I've been thinking a little about my own life story and a little more about life stories in general. I used to spend a good bit of time sharing my life story, or at least windows into it, but I just don't anymore. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because I no longer need to share in order to heal or be validated as a human. More likely, it's because no one is inquiring. My past, my history, the things, people, events, patterns of my childhood, youth and early adult life which all make me who I am today, don't seem to interest many people.

I don't blame them, they have no idea how interesting my story is. They probably assume my story is about as hum-drum as my current daily life and that these moments of me being bitchy or seemingly aloof or dramatic are just "who I am." Honestly, I have found myself wanting to scream out, "I used to be interesting!" quite regularly these days.

But, then again, I'm not even sure I want to share it. Part of me is glad noone is asking. It just takes too much effort to try to get someone to understand. And so few people actually listen. And, to be fair, I'm lazy.

I must put a good bit of self-worth into being interesting because it really bothers me that I no longer am. It bothers me that I don't have a creative outlet to express the inner workings of my heart and soul, which surely are somewhat interesting despite the day-to-day monotony of life.

But then again, I often find that even my heart and soul are story-less.

I wonder if that's why I no longer blog or journal or talk of my story...because even I have lost touch with it and who it has made me.

I'm toying with the idea of writing out my story, the past one. It seems rather daunting and anyone who knows me, knows that me and daunting (or complicated, long-winded and overwhelming) don't hang out for long.

So for now, I'll just post this blog. And maybe I'll update my pregnancy blog (13 months after the fact) which I just realized only lived thru 33 weeks. Bless it.

If I do post this, please try not to judge too harshly. I realize this post is self-centered, but it is a blog after all.