Friday, December 05, 2008

Suffering, Self-Centeredness and a Savior

As I walked out the door this morning, I quickly discovered that my car was iced over. Not frosted, but iced over. Not a shocker considering it was wet and 28 degrees outside. Long story short is that it took me 10 minutes just to get my windshield somewhat transparent. I still had difficulty getting my door open and couldn't roll down my windows. Of course, I was freezing and had wet hands by this point. Surprisingly, I wasn't as mad as I might have been on another day. But, I was very aware of the inconvinience and "suffering" that this situation caused me.

A few minutes later, I was all warmed up and cozy, listening to my music and pondering life. My life. This is where the "self-centeredness" really reared it's ugly head. So, I was thinking about a situation in my life that I would like to change, control, manage. I'm analyzing the situation to the degree that some might consider obsessive or, at the very least, consuming.

In the midst of all this, I pass a homeless man. He was carrying a very large, heavy looking blanket on his back, wrapped over his shoulders and around his cold body. DId I mention it was 28 degrees outside? This guy was walking slowly as if he was sick and tired and burdened not only by the physical weight on his back, but by life.

Everyday when I pass the many homeless men and women on Ponce, I think about their lives. I imagine what lead them to their current situation, how they feel about it and mostly how I so easily think of them as less valuable than other people. But, this morning there was an additional conviction.

My idea of suffering from my frozen car was suddenly absurd. And my self-focus, as evidenced by my obsession to figure out and control the personal dilemma mentioned earlier, was so, well, selfish. I mean, if I thought of others and cared about others about 1/2 as much as I focused on myself I might actually be freed up enough to be a reflection of Jesus to them.

I immediately felt the need for forgiveness and transformation and as I asked Jesus for these things, I was reminded that in Him I already have them. That's the good news, knowing I am forgiven and Jesus is transforming my heart. I can have hope and yet be broken over my sin.

This is the beauty of the gospel: it makes me more aware of my sin than ever yet it makes me more hopeful and freed from my sin than ever. That's Jesus. The lover of my corrupt heart. The one who was so unselfish that he suffered more than we can imagine in order that we might be freed from our selfish hearts. Beauty in the flesh people, beauty.

Now, about the homeless and those who really suffer? Good question. I don't have all the answers, but I do know that Jesus loves and values those people and I have a sneaky feeling that He wants me to learn FROM them as much as He wants me to reach out to them.

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