we have this moment...and it's gone.

So, I had a revelation a couple weeks ago that was somewhat encouraging and somewhat terrifying. I realized that for perhaps the first time in my life, I am living in the moment. I have lived my entire adult life antsy and discontent because I was always looking ahead...to the next moment, the next event, the next exciting venture, the next year, the next place I'd move, etc, etc. This always drove me crazy about myself because I knew I was never able to really enjoy now (which is the only moment we really can enjoy). I was too busy being excited about enjoying it in the future...of course, once that future became present day, I couldn't enjoy it because it wasn't the future anymore. Confusing? I know and it was frustrating, too!
Well, I have no idea how. I know I've prayed for God to free me from that web on various and random occasions over the years, but I don't know when or how I actually became free. I just know I did and I hope to never return.
So, what's the terrifying part of all this? Well, I'm afraid I might be confusing contentment with hopelessness. I'm not sure yet which it is. I just can't help but wonder if maybe the reason I'm not living in the hypothetical future is that I don't see a future worth getting excited about. Healthy? Not sure.
Anyway, that's my latest revelation...